eHarmony Founder’s Take On Marriage Is Unexpected

What happens when you are trying to sell an idea…and yet you do not stand behind it or believe it? Then you have trouble…and that is exactly what happened to an online venture… 

Dr. Niel Clark Warren is the face of eHarmony one of the most successful dating websites in the states, on top of that the site has a very extensive matching process but founder Warren is saying that marriage just doesn’t always work…and that as of late…its not going to. He states:

“Bad marriages happen to good people who are not good for each other. It’s time to rethink marriage: The skill of choosing a marriage partner has often been treated as relatively unimportant in our society and a whole lot less complex than it actually is. And herein lies the secret of why marriage has often turned out so disappointingly for so many. It’s frighteningly easy to choose the wrong person. Attraction and chemistry are easily mistaken for love, but they are far from the same thing. Being attracted to someone is immediate and largely subconscious.

Staying deeply in love with someone happens gradually and requires conscious decisions, made over and over again, for a lifetime. Too many people choose to get married based on attraction and don’t consider, or have enough perspective to recognize, whether their love can endure. When people choose a partner unwisely, it’s a source of enormous eventual pain.

During my 35-year clinical career, I “presided over” the divorces of several hundred couples. I never experienced a single easy one. If one or both partners didn’t get clobbered by the experience, any children involved often felt deep emotional sadness and loss. Sometimes this sadness kept impacting these people for years — even decades. I have often suggested that more pain in our society comes from broken primary relationships than from any other source. If we could ever reduce the incidence of marital breakup from 40 to 50 percent of all marriages to single digits, I suspect it would be one of the greatest accomplishments of our time.”

If anyone is going to know what makes a marriage work its going to be Warren, but regardless, love is so hard to find, and sometimes the risk is worth it right?

mynorthwest.com / Flickr

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